Losing is a Learned Behavior

By: Roshawn Watson

When confronted with our sad state of affairs, it is always so easy to say well I’m not that bad off. “I’m not that broke or that fat. Surely, there are plenty of others who are much worse than me.” While such a rationalization may help one cope with failures and inadequacies, it may simultaneously kill one’s motivation to strive for better. There should be something inside us that knows we should be dominating in life and not comfortable with just getting by. The enemy to great is not bad but good. We may feel that we are “all good,” but in doing so we may never reach our goals, if we have any at all.

Financially, this rationalization and lack of goals can be devastating because if you don’t deliberately make your money behave, it simply won’t. For example, the person making $40,000 per year will bring in $2 million over her working lifetime, and in many cases have nothing to show for it come retirement time. This is certainly typical in American finances, and average stinks royally.

How Did We Get Here?

To often, we major on the what. For example, here’s what you need to do to get out of debt. Here are the steps to take to build your wealth. However, it is equally pertinent to look at the how.

Regardless of whether you believe it or not, your environment does factor into who you are and what you become. I remember being amazed when learning that your income will be within 10% of your 5 closest friends over time. I had to ask myself who is in my inner circle. Learn from billionaire J Paul Getty. He said that if he were down to his last five dollars, you would not find him in some cheap restaurant trying to eat all he could. He would rather be in a nice hotel lobby drinking coffee with visionaries and leaders. His rationale was that the people he wanted to be a part of his future were at the hotel not the restaurant. Believe him. WHERE you are matters MORE than WHAT you are! Your environment is just as important to your success as what you know. Our environments can encourage us to strive for excellence or comfort us in our mediocrity. So we must ask ourselves whether we have been conditioned to lose.

The brilliant leadership coach John C. Maxwell wrote in his book “25 Ways to Win With People” about some interesting research in elephants that is relevant to the discussion of environmental conditioning. Trainers shackle young elephants to heavy chains with deeply embedded stakes. This teaches the elephant to stay in its place.

Older, more powerful elephants trained in this way never try to leave – even though they have the strength to pull up the stake and walk away. Their conditioning limits their movements. Eventually, with only a small unattached metal bracelet on their legs, they stand in place – even though the stakes are actually gone! …like the powerful elephants, many people are bound by the restraints of their previous conditioning.

Although this story is a very familiar one, the lessons in it are no less profound. Some people impose needless limits on their personal progress. Don’t mindlessly accept restraints on your abilities. We are products of our environments, and the sooner you realize this, the faster your change. This truth impacts your financial, physical, relational, spiritual, and educational goals.

Applying This Lesson

This year, I will face some of the biggest challenges ever, and I could give up and do well by most people standards. The problem is I have to look at myself in the mirror. In others words, I wouldn’t be happy if I gave up. Thus, I refuse to quit and will stop when I win. My closest friends believe in me and are also pursuing their own ambitious goals. I have zero tolerance for negative energy. In fact, those who major on negativity often find my presence uncomfortable. That may be tough but that’s the environment that I choose to be in. That’s right, you can create the environment necessary to achieve your goals.

As this new year progresses, I ask you to challenge yourself like never before. I am not just talking about accumulating new skills and associating with the kind of people you want in your future, both of which are important. I am asking you to have a deliberate paradigm shift. It is Dr. Steven Covey who says that the fastest way to obtain transformation in your life is to have a radical paradigm shift. See yourself as being free. Ask yourself what would you do if you knew it was impossible for you to fail. Then, map out the steps to achieve an uncommon goal this year. Release yourself from any previous programing not conducive to becoming a champion, so that you can enjoy successes by practically anyone’s measures. Here’s to a prosperous 2010.

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