Broke People – Stop Giving Me Financial Advice!
May 21, 2012 | Posted by Roshawn Watson under Uncategorized |
Dear Frugal Reader,
We’ve all heard it before: admonishments from broke (or soon-to-be broke) people telling us how we should spend OUR money. How often have you heard some variation of the following: “Don’t buy this kind of car; you should at least be driving that,” “You should live in this kind of house,” “Why don’t you go here for vacation?” The list goes on. My personal finance journey has lead me to keep others’ opinions out of my wallet. Here are 4 reasons to not allow broke people to influence your financial decisions.
When broke people start to make fun of your financial plan, you know you are on the right track. Dave Ramsey
They Don’t See Risks That You See
One of the biggest personal changes for us has been our decreased risk tolerance with respect to money management. First, illusions of security dissipated. For example, if you are in a traditional job, no amount of education or experience can guarantee you won’t be dismissed the following day. You’re constantly interviewing for your job. Of course, this awareness naturally leads one to not only work harder but also look for additional sources of income. Also, we could see how even relatively small missteps could derail future plans, so we began to value a fully-funded emergency fund above jet-setting, keeping up appearances, or owning the latest toy. For example, a sizable 42% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, and 75% of Americans are a mere 3 paychecks away from bankruptcy. Essentially, our awareness of our precarious positions changed. It’s hard to unring this bell. Believe me, the burden of enlightenment can reduce frivolous spending like nothing else.
Tell the opinionated broke person: “Forgive me if I don’t spend like I have never known a care in the world. My awakening didn’t occur overnight, and I don’t expect for you to understand. I do ask that you respect that perhaps I have a better appreciation of the threats to my own financial solvency, comfort, and independence than you.”
Related Article: Broke People Afford Everything!
You Have Plans That They Don’t Realize
I rarely discuss stretch goals (a.k.a. really high goals). When I do, the conversations are typically with people who can offer some insights into achieving them. Opinions are like noses. Everyone has them, and most have two holes in them. That’s completely fine. However, achievers know that it can be counterproductive to explain stretch goals with those who are incapable of adding to them or even being encouraging.
Some people just don’t seem to have a positive bone in their bodies. I don’t know if I will forget telling someone career plans only to be told, you can’t do that. “certainly, not you!” To add insult to injury, that person then proceeded to convince my family of the same thing. It was a VERY negative experience for me. It’s a good thing that I don’t base my career ambitions on what others think.
After that point, whenever I get inquiries about my next step before I am ready, I merely remind myself that everyone connected to me is not on my team. They may ultimately be a part of the process. However, while I am developing and refining my priorities, they shouldn’t be offended if they’re not consulted.
Tell the opinionated broke person: “I qualify people for access. Thanks for your concern, and I mean no offense, but don’t worry about my next step. Once it is time, I will announce it.”
Related Article: 4 Reasons You Should Set Unrealistically High Goals
You Have the Same Amount of Disdain for Their Lifestyle as They Have for Yours
A Mercedes with a payment prompts my pity rather than envy. However, if you have a paid-for home, I will likely sing your praises. This again speaks to personal priorities.
I think there is an assumption by people who don’t control their spending that frugal people must not know how much fun it is to be them. What some spendthrifts fail to realize is that frugal people derive pleasure from different things. For example, most millionaires are frugal. When Thomas Stanley looked at the lifestyle activities of millionaires in the past 30 days, he found that 93% socialized with their children or grandchildren, 88% entertained close friends, 86% planned investments, 78% studied investment opportunities, and 67% took photographs. Those were their top six leisurely activities. If you are wondering where shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue ranked, that was a not so prominent number 20 (26%). You get the picture: there’s a clear trend for millionaires, most of whom are frugal, to spend time on activities that cost little to no money.
Simply put, I find some of the lifestyles of some broke people1 reckless, particularly those with strong opinions about how we should spend our money. Thus, the reason they don’t sense my admiration of their lifestyles is because there is none. In fact, if I spent the way they spent, it would literally cause me pain. I think they are squandering resources, yet I say nothing directly unless invited. After all, I don’t want to be “that” person. However, I am always looking for an open door to discuss THEIR finances so that I can stop them from doing what I perceive to be mistakes. Judgement is a two-way street, but at least I am quiet about it.
Tell the opinionated broke person: “I don’t share my judgements with you, please politely keep yours to yourself too.”
Related Article: Tightwads or Spendthrift
You Are Not Controlled by Your Possessions
You have ZERO idea what I have. All you do is presume to know, which is fine by me. My possessions don’t dictate my life. Materialism is when “things have you” instead of “you having things.” It is particularly dangerous to be owned by conspicuous consumption. We don’t want to confine our lives to what labels we have on or makes of vehicles we drive. Personally, I prefer to be unassuming and unpretentious, especially compared with being perceived as “big hat, no cattle.” For example, I wonder how many people drive expensive European imports yet are part of the 42% living paycheck to paycheck. I am likewise curious how many people go on fabulous vacations but are part of the 75% of Americans that are 3 paychecks away from bankruptcy.
Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with nice stuff and experiences. I also have no ill-will for those living by a different philosophy, except when their burdens becomes societies burdens. However, financial independence is a much more laudable objective to us than any thrills I would derive from purchasing pretty much anything. We have the endgame in mind. That’s what occupies our interests and passions.
Tell the opinionated broke person: “Stuff is nice. Financial independence is better.”
Related Article: The Phony Rich
Closing Thoughts
To frugal people, the opinions of broke people about what they have, don’t have, or how they spend should be immaterial. It is NOT an issue of love of lack of reverence for the relationships. However,it is time to act like grown ups. Don’t be controlled by a herd mentality. That’s so elementary school. Therefore, so what, if you don’t fancy spending $100 per month on a cell phone plan. You know what, you’ll survive. Don’t bow down to pressure, even if it is from a loved one. Whatever bow down to keep, you will likely eventually lose anyway. Don’t apologize for being you. Agree to disagree and prosper!
Sincerely,
Frugal Shawn
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1Of course, it would be irresponsible for me to suggest all broke people are reckless. We know that’s not the case.
I recently wrote a piece about how meeting one's future self can help people save – there is actually an ap for that where you put in a picture and it will age you. Broke people today aren't respecting their future self. Thirty years from now they will point the finger at everyone but themselves for the precarious situation they find themselves it.
Stay frugal, stay wise and appreciate your future self. Give your 60 year old self choices by spending responsibly today.
Nice post!
Robert, I absolutely love that imagery in your comment. Looking to your future self, and drawing inspiration to live a better life today. That's quite profound. Broke people are indeed disrespecting their potential. It is quite tragic and becomes a repeating cycle.
You are right, that disdain does go both ways. I've seen that 42% number before, but never the 75% number. That's insane!!! I absolutely trust your facts, but it's just astonishing to me that so many people live so close to the brink.
Elizabeth! It is insane. Some of the other statistics that I chose not to include (for flow sake) were equally depressing when you really think about it. It just goes to show that there will always be a place for our voices: if 3/4 of the American population can't get it right, then there is a lot of opportunity for improving some many lives. It is sad though that some people are comfortable at the brink.
Don't you feel that can be said for a lot of things that bloggers do? I feel that bloggers sometimes feel they have the answers to questions they don't even understand. Financial knowledge from a broke person is only good if they turned things around and only shared their experience.
I agree. I think there is a lot that can be learned from failure. I guess my challenge though is that I am not inclined to listen to those pearls of wisdom unless they have indeed turned things around and not assume that everything in my life will mirror theirs. I completely get your point!
I smiled when I read the title because it is so true! Readers, choose the blogs you follow with care.
When, I initially wrote this, I was in a foul mood. I'm glad I edited out some of my angst! I completely agree. Be very careful who you listen to.
I was very pleased to find this site. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post. Big thanks for the useful info……..
Thanks for your comment. I look forward to you stopping by in the future.
It sounds like you were in a foul mood! But it's true…too many broke people out there telling you what to do…. Sometimes I feel like those stereotypical "don't drink Starbucks" Starbucks posts are written at a Starbucks table next to a Grande White Mocha that cost $7.00.
Haha. That's an image for sure. I cherish authenticity. I like straight shooters, no chaser. Otherwise,, it is hard to knwo where you stand.
I think you always have to take into consideration where the information is coming from. There is always a context and perspective to consider. The harder question becomes who to listen to as there are so many different viewpoints out there. My answer, yourself. Listen to your heart, gut instinct and own insight and you usually do just fine.
I certainly believe if you are doing something but lack f fundamental peace about it, then you are likely bound for possible trouble. I also think it is important to qualify teachers. Sometimes, we do want to consult the opinions of others, but that doesn't mean that it is a free for all. Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you have earned to right to speak into my life.
Shawn, this is a fine article and I really love reading what you write. It also reminds me again that it is very hard to disentangle finance and life – most broke people I know don't give me financial advice. What they are usually doing is trying to tempt me with lifestyle oprions that will make me join their group – the one of the broke. Loved the piece on 'stuff doesn't define you' .
Thanks Maria! That's so sweet of you to say!
Yeah, broke people are probably just as well-meaning as anyone else, but that doesn't make their advice "right," especially for me. I think it alls boils down to respect or the lack thereof. We have to respect each others' differences; otherwise, we lose ourselves.
Love it. We stopped discussing finances with most people we knew as they were 'spenders' and happy to be in debt. Interestingly enough these same people are now turning to me for advice as they have seen their lifestyles are unsustainable and they are actually taking the advice.
I got so sick of hearing how stupid our decisions were, yet we were the only ones who had bought our house, owned our car, got to go overseas for holidays etc. So I just smiled and nodded.
Thanks for a great post.
Hi Kylie!
That sounds like a VERY healthy strategy. I am not surprised that they are turning to your for advice. I think some people attack the frugal as a defense mechanism. The fact that you are doing something different indirectly indicts their behavior. Deep down, they know they lack financial peace. Bringing you down serves only to bolster their comfort in their carelessness. I think by not participating, you are well ahead of the game. I'm glad you are reaping the rewards too. Thank you for your comment.
[…] Watson from Watson Inc presents Broke People – Stop Giving Me Financial Advice!, and says, “y personal finance journey has lead me to keep others’ opinions out of my […]
i think someone's current financial position doesnt mean they cant give great advice. i would say the basis of value is a factor of life experiences, knowledge and intent. their current financial condition could be due to circumstances beyond their control.
i would rather take advice from a poor wise man than from a rich stupid man.
Sure, broke people can give great advice, but for me personally, it boils down to track-record. Someone’s opinion carries more weight to me if I can see where they have proven their ideas. That doesn’t mean that other people don’t know what they are talking about, but it certainly suggests that the person who has used his strategy or philosophy in the marketplace successfully has a greater likelihood of knowing what he is talking about. Anyone else lacks credibility. However, if he (or she) truly do know what he is talking about and desires to change his life, then a financial setback is probably just temporary: he will become a proven force too (after a while).
concur, for the sake my blog, hope people agree with you ; )
I think the kind of people you want will agree with me 🙂
[…] Watson from Watson Inc presents Broke People – Stop Giving Me Financial Advice!, and says, “y personal finance journey has lead me to keep others’ opinions out of my […]
[…] Watson from Watson Inc presents Broke People – Stop Giving Me Financial Advice!, and says, “y personal finance journey has lead me to keep others’ opinions out of my […]
I completely agree on your ideas and experiences in discussing stretch goals. When I tell people that my wife and I combined will have a net worth of over $1 million by the time we are 45, while pursuing careers as teachers they don't believe me. When I show them the numbers in regards to automatic saving and compounded returns they merely smirk. Eventually I just quit talking about it altogether…. so… how about that weather we are having 😉
Teacher Man!
I praise audacious goals. Anything else is less inspiring. I think that making 7 figures by time you are 45 years old is commendable, and people would do wise learning from your numbers. I would do the same thing (tell people about future plans) but then figured that I would rather show "some" people than tell them. The people who I tell are those doing what I am doing (or have already done it). It is all good: that way I don't upset the people who are not ready to stretch themselves yet remain enthused about sharing my plans for the future with those who care and can perhaps share their own insights into the journey.
Great post Shawn.
I learned a long time ago to have a thick skin and and a tight lip about my financial plans. There are so many "Dream Crushers" out there, who have no clue about the path to success. There is a reason the 1% of people are successful; they do the things others are unwilling to do. Society hating on them doesn't make the other 99% sucessful. It just distracts them from follwing the same path to their own success.
I have seen a lot of my friends lose their jobs and their homes in the past five years. The statistics you quoted are very real and people underestimate the financial risk of having no savings. A little bit of money can help avoid a lot of big problems.
Keep spreading the word Shawn. It's a message some people need to hear more often.
Bret
Thanks Bret!!!!
Those are some keen insights into the 1% versus the 99%. My bias is similar: most millionaires are first-generation millionaires, and their accomplishments are not typical. Accordingly, there's is likely more to their story than luck or greed, which is how the media tends to paint as integral to the road to wealth. People need to avoid the politics of envy. As you said, it doesn't make the 99% any more successful.
The lack of a buffer bothers me tremendously for many families, even ones that I know. It doesn't take much to wipe someone out financially. That's a sad testimony for someone who has worked >5 years in perhaps 90% of cases.
The lack of real financial knowledge is a common problem that most individuals deny. Having a problem and not accepting its existence will blow up until it becomes so noticeable yet unmanageable.
I words you quoted from Dave Ramsey. I am actually following his "Snowball Debt Plan to fast track debt payments.
Best regards,
Belinda
I agree to never, ever get advice from people who don't live what they say. Learn from people whom you can see are also successful financially.