By: Roshawn Watson
Often personal finance writers discuss what we need to do,
particularly with respect to saving and investing. However, it is also what you are willing to walk away from that will
determine your future prosperity. After years of providing advice, comforting
friends, and dealing with my own issues, here are 4 disastrous behaviors to stop
doing with your finances.
Obsessing Over Reasonable
Purchases
You have worked hard. You have your emergency fund. You have
eliminated consumer debt. You have invested aggressively over the years. In fact,
you are on track to be financially independent 15 years earlier than the experts
said was possible, so why do you obsess over minutia?
I advocate fiscal responsibility, but I don’t support
deprivation for bragging rights. Recall when you began your financial journey
and decided your priorities. Remember when you decided that financial abundance
was worth pursuing. Remember why you started to save to begin with. Self care is not selfishness. In fact, one of the best
gift you can give someone is a better you. That’s because you can help them from
a position of strength rather than one of weakness.
Last week’s discussion of
value-oriented
purchases is particularly relevant here. When purchases that
are in line with your core values give you pause because of sticker shock,
remember that if you have built a solid enough foundation and have performed due
diligence, such occasional splurges can
enhance
you by improving your productivity, your motivation, and your
overall quality of life.
My fellow frugal readers, if you’re in this position, simply
ask yourself the following question: “
Why do we
save anyway?”
Trivializing Pathology
Debt is not the Problem. Debt is the symptom
of the problem.
The suspicious gambling charges on the credit card may be a
clue to something sinister, and I don’t mean identity theft.
Beneath the surface, smiling facades, and
Under
Armour sportswear, there could be someone dealing with pain. I
wish there was a quick answer for every money problem, but sometimes there are
real emotional, psychological, and even biological issues that require
professional help, such as a financial counselor, a therapist, a psychiatrist,
etc.
This is not about creating excuses for financial misbehavior
but getting to the root cause. Money problems often mask
other pathology. For example, reckless spending could be used to
compensate for negative self-worth. Cutting up the credit cards without
addressing the disconnect leading to the budgetary malfunction may only provide
a temporary reprieve and prove ineffective. That’s because addressing the
misbehavior while ignoring the underlying problems prolongs the sickness.
Simply put, the essence of every financial problem is NOT
financial mechanics. In fact, over 80% of money problems are BEHAVIORAL. When
there’s dysfunction, get the help that’s needed.
Comparing Yourself to Others
There are numerous reasons that may account for someone else’s
apparent prosperity, and I sincerely hope that you will concern yourself with
none of them (unless you are just looking for ideas to improve yourself). Quite
simply, you do not know the circumstances of others. Just because you may be
able to approximate their earned income doesn’t mean you know what their passive
income, portfolio income, and expenses are like. For example, the person who
some may shake their heads at for taking two luxurious vacations annually could
own 10 rental properties outright and be completely financially independent. The
coworker with the McMansion may have delayed (or decided against) having kids.
The friend whose second home is Neiman Marcus could be receiving financial help
(economic outpatient care) from the bank of mom and dad. Often you just don’t
know.
What I can tell you though is that most financial “short-cuts”
lead you down a road that you don’t want to go. Additionally, comparing yourself
without taking action to improve your life is a futile exercise at best.
If the people you compare yourself with truly have their acts
together, simply wish them well, glean all the wisdom you can get from them, and
reassure yourself that there are plenty opportunities for you to achieve the
life of your dreams. Don’t let jealousy and envy rob you of enjoying your
journey or the opportunity to learn from someone who possibly is operating at a
higher level.
Don’t hate, congratulate!
Berating Yourself Over Past Financial
Mistakes
Regret is usually a waste of time.(Thomas
Crown)
Don’t berate yourself over past money mistakes. If you are
over 18, you have made money mistakes. We all have. That doesn’t justify being
miserable over what decisions were made 20 years ago. To be
perfectly honest, this section is a little bit of a challenge for me to write. I
am certainly a fan of a
do
over. I firmly believe that we can learn, draw inspiration,
develop resilience, and create remarkable change all from yesterdays’ mistakes.
However, drawing wisdom from the past is not the same as punishing oneself
because of regret.
Yesterday is in the tomb. Tomorrow is
in the womb.
Letting go may be emotionally difficult, especially if you are
analytical or really did your absolute best at the time. However, being a slave
to past mistakes can rob you of future victories and joys. You are destined to
do greater things, but if you refuse to open your hands to let go, you are
simultaneously blocking your ability to receive.
Closing Thoughts
In summation, the comfort in holding on to some behaviors is
not worth the danger. The power in relinquishing the familiar can be just as
revolutionary as more traditional personal finance advice. Recognizing when
professional help is necessary and letting go of envy, jealousy, regret,
obsessive comparisons to others, and overly scrutinizing reasonable purchases
will increase our financial peace as we develop healthy relationships with
money.
What you are willing to walk away from that will help effect a
significant change in your life. Decide what you will release today!
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